What is help?

Grabbing the hand of someone to help them cross street, giving someone a ride, waving at them as I passed by, helping them carry groceries in to their house when you don’t have to.

I wonder how much helping we’re really doing. Is it better to help them, or let them work hard and be independent so they will grow and strive for themselves. I guess it depends on the situation.

Sometimes while I’m driving I see people walking to the metro. I really want to give them a ride, but am I going to give them a ride everyday? Is someone else? Probably not, and I’m not an expert but people can become dependent on others if they never learn of have to struggle through the realities of hardship or independence.

Independence has been my whole life .. of course I had people helping me and supporting me more than some, but I don’t think the people knew they were when they were. I kinda had to learn lessons in spite of my environment.

Like many in my generation, my baby boomer parents are divorced. This happened when I was young, 4, but I still remember most of it despite others thinking I was too you big to be affected.

My sister felt the effects immediately and needed counseling, she never did handle problems very well, that hasn’t changed much. But she got good grades and is a teacher now so I suppose that’s something.

No, my affectedness to the divorce and the life that followed was more of a slow and sleeping emotion inside of me, and whenever my parents would try to care about me later in life, those emotions started to pour out, because I hadn’t dealt with I while I was young, I don’t think I properly learned how to handle my emotions.

Stress, work, independence, life and my ambitions I can handle pretty well, but my emotions have always been a rollercoaster ticking its way to the top. And Again from my girlfriend, as noted in other entries, has to see the rest of the ride, the ups and downs.

I suppose most of you would say this is normal, and I guess so, but the extent and proximity of mine I think are unconsiquently abnormal.

And the divorce is where it started, seeing my parents argue, seeing them separate, seeing my dad remarry, was harder on me than I realized. It was so hard on me my one life goal increasingly became to surround myself with people I thought wouldn’t leave me, wouldn’t hurt me, would have my back, which I didn’t really learn or realize till much later in my life. Early college years even. This was multiply true for the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. This, along with other pre-conceived expectations I gave myself, really hindered my development as a man. 

This is one the reasons I love my girlfriend so much … she’s so understanding, so forgiving, sometimes frustrating, but always loving. .. she really is perfect for me … oops . I forgot, perfect isn’t something I should strive for

But I think Happiness, and the ability to make my life and the life of other and for those who will come after me is definitely a huge influence on my life.

But it’s not my dream by any means.

I’ll get to that later … 

till next time listeners


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