Apologize?

There’s nothing more I want to do then apologize, but why every time I think I want apologize to rip my heart out not because I’m conflicted about it but because I know it doesn’t make any damn difference.

Because the soon as I say good morning sweetie I love you I’m sorry, it doesn’t go away… The pain doesn’t go away, It stays there it makes me self-conscious and makes me question who I am as a person. Why do I have a hard such a hard time expressing how I feel about her

I feel like my empathy for her is incredibly powerful… But how can that be true if I’m always hurting her if I’m always making a mistake.

Do I just take all the blame myself because she ever do anything wrong? I don’t know because I just pile everything on and act as the source of all the bad things that can happen in a relationship. 

Yeah I’m just another asshole to her, my work is just work to her, my sorry that your sorry’s, my feelings are just feelings, and my extraordinary, am I special, do I stand out from the rest or am I just another mouth to feed

I said it work every day stressing about how my gonna screw up my relationship today, what stupid thing am I going to say, or what personality trait am I going to give off that she can I just piss her off and cause us to argue. I hate arguing I don’t want to argue with her ever why does that happen how can I argue with the person I love the most in the world …
I’m sorry if everything I write is an organize an on edited, but that’s how I want it I want it raw straight from the source how my mind thinks this blog these posts this therapeutic Sesson sessions whatever you want to call it is a window into my mind.

And again using Siri so if something got messed up her phone right?

Till next time listeners 

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